Last month
Nov. 13th, 2011 08:30 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
theympDone a fair amount of FanFic posting last month or so, but not very much LJ - too raw at the time.
The FanFic's been great for working things out, and getting stuff off my mind, I think because I can hide behind the characters.
I really feel like I written some okay stuff recently, and the E/O Challenge has been like a God-send in keeping me writing. It's so simple, who would have guessed that the trick to beating writer's block seems to be to actually write something down :)
Finding out last month that Nic had killed herself was shocking, an unexpected punch to the gut, even though it's been a couple of year's now since I last saw her, so it's almost like I don't feel I have a right to be upset. The worst thing is how angry I feel with her. My main memories of her are her appalling inability to make a decent cup of tea, and a photo of us all sitting on the sofa with the dog and laughing, and it makes me weep, and I want to scream at her. I can't help but remember Dad coming back from the service of a work colleague who'd killed himself and how shaken he'd seemed when he described how damning the chaplain had been about what faced suicides in the afterlife.
I wrote Prayer for Better Times at the time I found out, then recently End of the World to try to describe how angry I felt, obviously it's primarily about Dean/Cas so it's not autobiographical, but I can't help wishing there was something I could have done. There are people in my life now that I worry about and I feel that I should, and need to, reach out to and even now I still find it so hard to do. I almost didn't publish, I'm not sure how people are going to react to it - I don't really care if people don't like it, so long as they don't hate on it.
(;,;)
The FanFic's been great for working things out, and getting stuff off my mind, I think because I can hide behind the characters.
I really feel like I written some okay stuff recently, and the E/O Challenge has been like a God-send in keeping me writing. It's so simple, who would have guessed that the trick to beating writer's block seems to be to actually write something down :)
Finding out last month that Nic had killed herself was shocking, an unexpected punch to the gut, even though it's been a couple of year's now since I last saw her, so it's almost like I don't feel I have a right to be upset. The worst thing is how angry I feel with her. My main memories of her are her appalling inability to make a decent cup of tea, and a photo of us all sitting on the sofa with the dog and laughing, and it makes me weep, and I want to scream at her. I can't help but remember Dad coming back from the service of a work colleague who'd killed himself and how shaken he'd seemed when he described how damning the chaplain had been about what faced suicides in the afterlife.
I wrote Prayer for Better Times at the time I found out, then recently End of the World to try to describe how angry I felt, obviously it's primarily about Dean/Cas so it's not autobiographical, but I can't help wishing there was something I could have done. There are people in my life now that I worry about and I feel that I should, and need to, reach out to and even now I still find it so hard to do. I almost didn't publish, I'm not sure how people are going to react to it - I don't really care if people don't like it, so long as they don't hate on it.
(;,;)
